The past few years have seen a huge shift in mental health stigma. A lot of people are quite open about their experiences in therapy, and more and more people are giving it a try. Research has shown us that the number one way to reduce stigma among any group is contact. That is, when we know someone in “that group”, our own stigma about it tends to recede. Since more and more people now know someone who has benefited from therapy, more and more people are trying it for themselves.
It’s encouraging for those of us who work in the field to say the least. Still, I meet a number of people with misconceptions about therapy. Sometimes that makes for funny moments in conversations with friends. Other times, it can keep people from really getting the most out of therapy or finding a good therapist. Here are three things therapy isn’t (and one thing that it is).
For “damaged” and “crazy” people
There’s a lot of morality in the way we talk about mental health and mental illness. Imagine you overhear someone referring to another person as “crazy”. Would your first impression be that this person must be moved with compassion toward the suffering of the person they labeled “crazy”? Me neither. Crazy is a judgment. The way we talk about mental illness is fraught with assumption about a person’s character and social standing. The reality is that mental illness is as broad a spectrum as physical illness which can span from the common cold to brain cancer.
Likewise, our needs in therapy span a broad spectrum that includes problems in how we feel, think, and relate to ourselves and others. Sometimes we’re very aware of exactly what those needs are. Other times we have only a general sense that something is “off” in our lives and relationships. From severe trauma to life transitions, therapy is a tool for anyone who could use some support in any of these areas.
Skill Building
We tend to be drawn to concrete steps when addressing a problem. We like the idea that we just need to “know what to do” in order to fix it so we can get it done and move on. Such an approach to our mental health is certainly conducive to the soundbite sized and “quick fix” driven attention span of our culture. The reality is though, that if your problem could be fixed by simply knowing what steps to take, a quick trip to the bookstore would replace every therapist out there.
Self-Help
This segues into the next thing that therapy is not which is self-help. That is to say, the real goal of any good therapy is not simply self improvement (although that might come as a bonus). In allowing ourselves to discover and explore who we are, embrace our full humanity, and live in healthy relationships with ourselves and others; we show up in our lives with greater authenticity, purpose, and alignment with our values. Things like confidence or a “better version of ourselves” may come about as a result, but they aren’t what therapy is actually all about.
Therapy is…
Research tells us that the primary thing responsible for change in the therapeutic endeavor, is the therapy relationship itself. That’s how humans change. The therapy relationship is a sort of stage where we can bring all the messy ways that we relate to ourselves and others. Over time and with trust, we begin to explore them and understand ourselves better. We become reconnected to parts of ourselves that we’ve been shut off from. We learn to relate to ourselves in ways that shape not only how we show up in the world but how we relate to others as well. In therapy, we learn what it is to embrace our full human selves and allow others in our lives to do the same. In short, therapy is encountering and becoming more of who we are at a core level.
