If there’s anything I generally write at the start of the new year, it’s generally that people don’t need to turn themselves into renovation projects just because it’s January. In previous blogs, I’ve railed against the “new year new you” cliche because I find it incredibly unhelpful in how it encourages us to relate to ourselves. You don’t need to ‘throw out the old’ and recreate yourself just because you want to change. It is possible to value who we are while embracing growth. With that said, 2020 was hardly your average year and I have been thinking about some things that have really changed for me, perhaps you have as well. So here are 5 commitments that I’m making to myself as a result of what I’ve learned in the past year.
I’m going to like the company I keep when I’m alone
I don’t know about you but I spent a LOT of time with myself this past year. Years ago, when I used to attend open mic events regularly, there was a poet who opened one of her pieces with the line: “Do you like the company you keep when you’re alone?”. For years it’s stuck with me as a litmus test for my relationship to myself. In our constantly “connected” and stimulated culture, disciplines like solitude, silence, and stillness are not as highly prized as perhaps they should be.
Whether it’s through a substance, a screen, an activity, or good old fashioned denial, many of us have dealt with the pandemic in ways that reveal a need for a healthier relationship to ourselves. One Eastern Orthodox client of mine had a priest who remarked early on that we were all getting a chance to taste monastic life. I’m not sure I mined the opportunity that the pandemic brought me for all its spiritual worth.
I’m going to be intentional with my time
Along with a healthier relationship to myself, I’m determined to have a healthier relationship to time. The chaos and uncertainty of last year highlighted life’s fragility for me. I spend a lot of time being ‘busy’ and calling it productive. Working from home and having fewer social obligations has left me with more time. What was eye-opening is what I did with it (or rather, didn’t). I didn’t suddenly become a bass guitar virtuoso, a top tier athlete, or publish a book. Why?
Because those are great intentions but terrible goals. Like most New Years resolutions, they’re a vague ambition like ‘eating healthier’ or ‘spending more time with my family’. Good goals are small, attainable, measurable, and realistic was well as being attached to some kind of time metric. Perhaps, I should commit to writing for an hour a week or playing bass 15 minutes a day.
I’m going to be in community differently
I hate chit chat. It’s exhausting. I’m not generally one who needs a lot of social activity throughout the week but that doesn’t change the fact that I need community. In fact healthy community has been shown to have effects on health and resilience right down to a neurological level. In every sense, we are created for community and 2020 has showed many of us just how true that is. I think that largely though, I’ve engaged in community based on my immediate sense of need. Do I feel like I could use a deep conversation or shared meal right now?
I’m beginning to wonder if maybe that isn’t the best way to approach it. Instead of my needs in the moment driving how I engage in community, I want to be in community because it’s how I was created to exist. I’m going to celebrate it, even when it’s exhausting. I want community and my need for it to be centered in how I approach my social life, not just my feelings in the moment.
I’m going to stop being a ‘member’ of my church
I’ve been a member of lots of things: professional organizations, gyms, social groups, and religious organizations. Different churches have navigated the pandemic differently. Some have chosen to break down into smaller ‘home church’ groups while others have held virtual worship services. Still others have stood in stark defiance of governors mandates and CDC recommendations.
Our church has a mixture of spatially distanced masked worship with safety protocols and live stream. One of the things that 2020 taught me about church is that it’s different from an organization or even a community. Yes, it is a commitment to a local body of believers and it is a source of healthy community (or should be!) but it’s also more than that. Church is a way of being as well.
It’s the one-another of scripture fulfilled, it’s the individual and collective pursuit of being more like Christ every day. We’ve lived in a very consumerist culture for a long time. We’re also emerging from a season in which identifying as a Christian was socially beneficial. These can lead to a superficial pretense that is not Christianity and is not how we are called to be the church. I don’t want my relationship to my church to be one of needs-driven or convenience-driven affiliation. 2020 has given me a clear view of how church, discipleship, community, outreach, and spiritual disciplines are all part of a way of being in relation to God, myself, and others and my church life is going to reflect that moving forward.
I’m going to slow down
2020 slowed us all down and gave us a good look at some of our habits and a good look at ourselves. While it may not have been the most pleasant experience, it showed me my need to slow down and really check in from time to time. Most of us live as if we can be everywhere at once, doing everything at once, and are of infinite capacity. In short, we live like we’re God. I for one am going to celebrate my finiteness. I’m going to stop living like cramming more stuff into my day makes me a better person. What about you? What did 2020 offer you that you can bring into 2021?
